toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
