I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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