All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
