he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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