What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
