mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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