Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
