Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
