U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
