apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
