Just fell off a train. Bad.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
