Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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