woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
