One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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