cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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