imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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