True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
