i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
