Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
