I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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