I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
