There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
