It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
