yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
