Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
