I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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