I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
