Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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