1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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