Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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