Your face is a jimmy john
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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