I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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