I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
