My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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