White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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