I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
