I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
