your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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