i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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