she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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