I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
