Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this boner is exhausting
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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