the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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