don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
