Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
