I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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