Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
