Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
