my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
