Just cropdusted the office
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk is not a location!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
