I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
