i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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