Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
