I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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