The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
