You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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