Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
